Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
