Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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