Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
third nipple confirmed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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