Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
