I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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