I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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