i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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