pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
