Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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