sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That accounts for only three of the penises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
