Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
