You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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