I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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