I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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