last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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