im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
