this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
