I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
