I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
