Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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