I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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