i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
