yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
