I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
