Screwed.edu
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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