Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
