upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
