Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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