I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
