i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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