I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
