She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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