Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name