I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
