Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?