Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
