I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
