I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
