her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
