She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
