apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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