But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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