You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
