i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
