She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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