and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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