I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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