No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
