Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
