i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize