Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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