Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
