I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
