it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
