Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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