I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
