I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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