Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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