I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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