All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
