So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
