Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
