Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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