from now on my penis is your penis
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
