im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
