umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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