if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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