considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
