EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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