I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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