I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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